I had a lot of thoughts today on the subject of forgiveness. Not in the whole, your soul will be clean and go to Heaven kind, but in the real live, between humans and myself kind.
I recently lost a friend, who decided they never wanted to speak to me again, very abruptly. I've been thinking on this a lot as this has happened to me before.
Often enough in fact that I'm thinking, it's not them- it's me.
There's a few things I need to do about this-
Accept that I'm not necessarily going to get along with everyone all the time forever. I really dislike when someone is mad at me, but there's only so much I can do about it.
Accept that other people's feelings aren't my responsibility, however I can be more aware of how my actions and words may affect others. I am trying to be more sensitive, while still being my authentic self. I strive not to purposely offend.
I was going to add- be careful about who I let in close. That's where the forgiveness thing comes in. I need for forgive myself for not always being the perfect friend. I try, and I'm damn loyal, but I'm also moody and selfish. I'm human. Also, I forgive others for bowing out. They don't actually owe me anything, and their winds just blew the other way. It's not about me. Their path is about themselves.
So, I keep thinking on this and meditating on it, and hoping for some clarity from within.
In the words of Jason Mraz- hold your own. Know your name. Go your own way.
I just hope that sometimes, our ways will line up for a while, and if I should inadvertently do you wrong, that we can forgive eachother and begin again.