Forgiveness

I had a lot of thoughts today on the subject of forgiveness. Not in the whole, your soul will be clean and go to Heaven kind, but in the real live, between humans and myself kind.
I recently lost a friend, who decided they never wanted to speak to me again, very abruptly. I've been thinking on this a lot as this has happened to me before.
Often enough in fact that I'm thinking, it's not them- it's me.
There's a few things I need to do about this-
Accept that I'm not necessarily going to get along with everyone all the time forever. I really dislike when someone is mad at me, but there's only so much I can do about it.
Accept that other people's feelings aren't my responsibility, however I can be more aware of how my actions and words may affect others. I am trying to be more sensitive, while still being my authentic self. I strive not to purposely offend.
I was going to add- be careful about who I let in close. That's where the forgiveness thing comes in. I need for forgive myself for not always being the perfect friend. I try, and I'm damn loyal, but I'm also moody and selfish. I'm human. Also, I forgive others for bowing out. They don't actually owe me anything, and their winds just blew the other way. It's not about me. Their path is about themselves.

So, I keep thinking on this and meditating on it, and hoping for some clarity from within.
In the words of Jason Mraz- hold your own. Know your name. Go your own way.
I just hope that sometimes, our ways will line up for a while, and if I should inadvertently do you wrong, that we can forgive eachother and begin again.

Are you a Christian?

You would be amazed, if you don't live in an overly religious area, how often I get asked this question. I first started getting variations of this question when I moved to the midwest.  Conversations usually went like this:
"Oh, are you new here?"
"Yes"
"What street are you on"
-answers-
"Oh so and so lived up there, died last year, did you know him?"
"No, I'm new here."
"Well which church do you go to? You can come to mine!"

Every. Single. Time.

Then, I moved further south, and it was straight up, "Do you have a place to worship?"

Thankfully, I attend a lovely Unitarian Universalist fellowship and can honestly say, "yes", although I'm not sure worship is quite the word for it. 

Then the other day...quite unexpectedly my boss says, "Are you a Christian, Lynn?"

Me: 0_o

My first inclination was to say, "Well I don't believe you can legally ask me that dude."

But I felt like it was asked innocently enough, and decided to go with it.
"No, no I'm not. I do attend a church however, and I have spiritual beliefs about the here and now."

Him: "Oh. I don't have much use for church anymore myself."

Well that was a relief to hear! His father was a minister and we do actually advertise as a Christian organization, so this was an interesting revelation to me.

I wonder how many others there are down here, who are just a round peg in a square hole, trying their best to get by?

Let's get some FAQ's out of the way, so I don't have to answer them again.
Am I a Christian? No.

Do I believe in an afterlife? Yes, but I haven't been able to scientifically determine what that means yet, so I largely count myself an atheist.

But don't you believe in god/s? Nope. While I do philosophically count myself as Buddhist, more as a guideline on how to live in the now, I see gods more as metaphors.

Are all your friends atheists? Some, but a lot of atheists find my mix of beliefs to be bullshit, so no, not all.

Do you hate Christians? Nope, I have a pretty live and let live approach. You let me do my thing, I'll let you do yours. I have no tolerance for hate however- if you're anti gay, pro-life, etc, we likely aren't going to be besties.

That probably covers a good beginning. I'll chat on more as I blog.